I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
