I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's official drugs can't kill me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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