Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
