Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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