Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
