One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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