Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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