yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize