I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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