Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize