i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
