I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
