My underwear smells like fireworks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
