Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
