I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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