We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
