when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
