I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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