Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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