Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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