it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize