saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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