the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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