i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
