i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
