I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
