I can feel you judging me through the phone.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
