I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Come on in and take your pants off
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