they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
