You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize