I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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