My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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