New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
