I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
