We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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