im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize