She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
