walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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