Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
