Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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