Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
