Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
