You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
