She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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