So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
