Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
