i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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