I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
