Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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