Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
