hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
