i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
