I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize