There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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