Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Verdict: uncircumcised.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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