so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
