I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
