Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
