fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize