the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
