Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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