A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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