hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
