all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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