best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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